We started the week off with a meeting with a general surgeon. She thoroughly went through all my image and blood results to make sure we understood my diagnosis. She then offered two surgical options: 1.) a lumpectomy with radiation after or 2.) a mastectomy.
Because of my family history of breast cancer and the nature of my tumor being one of the fastest growing types, I have chose to go the double mastectomy route. This will minimize reoccurrence in the future. While we left the office feeling like we were moving in the right direction, the rest of the week brought nothing but frustration.
The next step is meeting with a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction options. There are two options: 1.) no reconstruction and "go flat" or 2.) reconstruction. Within the latter category there are many options. Implants (saline or silicone), flaps, fat transplants, etc. This decision is weighing heavily on me. Everything in me says going flat is more in line with my lifestyle. It would not require additional surgeries, it would allow me to have a full recover and not interfere with any of my CrossFit movements, it does not put a foreign object in my body, etc. However, I feel vain for saying this, but I feel uncomfortable looking at photos of women who have chose this route. If I am uncomfortable looking at them, how would I feel looking at myself. Part of me wishes I could be that brave to make that decision, but I feel like psychologically - I need to have some resemblance of breasts once this is all said and done.
Through hours of exhausting research, I have found an option that may be the best of both worlds. There are a few procedures that use the patient's own fat and tissue to rebuild the breasts. The best case scenario, if I am a candidate, is that they can do it at the same time as the mastectomy. The trick now is to find a plastic surgeon who has experience doing this and is willing to be in the operating room at the same time as my general surgeon. This will be next week's goal!
Emotionally, I am good most days. Really trying to live life as normal as possible. I have actually adopted an every-other-day cancer routine. I allow myself one day to talk about and research cancer and then I take a day off from it. I am not letting this consume me. I don't deserve that and nobody around me deserves that. I really know that each day I have right now, before surgery, is something special. It is a day to celebrate. I am really appreciating how my body looks and feels before it will change forever. I am soaking every work out up while I can. And hey - tonight, my husband is taking me out to dinner and I plan on showing as much cleavage as I can...we both are on borrowed time with them!