Just as I said it would be, the last two weeks have been filled with pre-op appointments (blood draws, EKG, physical, COVID tests, etc) and trying to live as normal as possible. It now has become a mental game. I try to stay positive most of the time but every once in awhile a negative thought slips in. They are fleeting, but it's amazing how uncontrollable it is.
One example - I was in the gym getting ready to lift heavy weights overhead. My wonderful training part, Mary, had brought the energy and she screams "let's PR today!" (personal record). I thought, heck ya, why not? So we start climbing in weight. I climbed to a weight that would be close to a PR for me, the barbell was already up to my shoulders, I took a deep breathe and got ready to hit it and all of a sudden a little voice says "why bother? why are you even doing this?" I pushed the thought out quickly and attempted the lift. I missed. That one thought was so powerful in that moment.
Most of my days are spent planning for being down for a few weeks. Making sure the house is clean, the bills are paid, I have everything in order. Unfortunately, that means that not so fun things like updating the will. Again, overall - mostly positive thoughts. However, there's the random, "what if i don't wake up from surgery?" thought that will find its way in.
Talking it over with Jake, he suggested I sign up for a CrossFit competition he was doing just two days before my surgery. At first, I thought he was crazy. Why the heck would I do a CrossFit competition two days before my surgery? Why bother? The deadline to sign up was literally an hour away. I sent a gym friend a message asking if she would be interested in being my partner - when she immediately responded with a "yes!" I decided, why not?
Turns out, Jake knew what I needed more than I did. The week leading up to surgery had the potential to be more negative mentally than positive. There were days that the little voice came in and questioned why I was still working out as hard as I was. That little voice got beat out by another voice saying "because you have a competition this weekend and you don't want to let your partner down." The competition also announced some equipment that we had never used - so I had to learn a new skill. The competition really gave me something to think about and focus on all week - almost forgetting that the surgery was two days after that.
So we did it. Yesterday, we did 5 work outs in about 5 hours and we had a blast doing it! I'm so proud of Jake doing his first competition! He looked like a pro! So proud of all our athletes who competed. The best part was our gym family showing up to support! Kinetic Grit CrossFit had the most fans by far. They not only cheered obnoxiously for us, but for all the other competitors on the field as well - showing what a true community CrossFit really is!
The best part? Not only did this competition give me something to look forward to all week, but we qualified for the Championship in August, in Green Bay. It will now give me something to focus on - to motivate me to stick to my recovery plan. I know I won't be back into "RX" shape by August, but I am hopeful that I can participate. So, thank you, Big Impact Games, for continuing to give me something to look forward to. Thank you, Brandy for being the best partner every and thank you, Jake for suggesting I do it!
So now I'm 24 hours out. Surgery is tomorrow. It's time to reflect and prepare. I am ready to be on the other side of this.
Again, a big thank you to everyone supporting us! We could not do this alone.
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