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Mourning the Loss of Me

Updated: Apr 24, 2022

When I look into the mirror, I have never loved what I see more than I do now.

I have always been pretty confident in my skin. I do not struggle with body image terribly. Especially after I found CrossFit. I am very comfortable in what my body can do versus what it looks like. I'm not interested in being skinny, I'm interested in being strong. At least I have that going for me going into this. However, I am still a woman. Of course every once in awhile, I notice the stretch marks, feel a little heavy or take note of the saggy post-kids boobs.

Now knowing my feminine parts are going to be amputated and not my own anymore makes my hypersensitive of what I have. I love those stretch marks on my belly. I love my boobs, even when they are extra saggy! I love the ability to feel someone against my chest when I hug them. I love when my husband lays his head on my side boob before bed. I love it all. It may seem silly, but I feel like I'm on borrowed time with my boobs. Before long, they will be bringing my pain, they will be scarred for life, they won't have feeling, they will be a constant reminder of cancer. I am mourning the loss of them already.

Girls, your body. You don't know how long you have with it.

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